so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All the doctor said was why
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
