You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize