Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I smell like Dick and happiness
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
