; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
