You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
