Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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