dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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