You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
