she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
