I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
