hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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