So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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