Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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