We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All the doctor said was why
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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