someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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