so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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