Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
