If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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