We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
