hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
