i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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