hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter