why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
