sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake