i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.