Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption