I can text with my tongue
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
