he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
