after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
