ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
