i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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