i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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