I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found the puke drawer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
