Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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