Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Welp...herpes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
