Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
