Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
