I want to have your abortion
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
