3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
