Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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