You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's shark week go big or go home
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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