you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
