6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
