apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
