you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
