my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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