I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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