Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Congratulations! We have a period
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