I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
