the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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