I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
