I wish I only lived at night.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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