I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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