Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
