there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
