I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
