Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
