I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bring me that man meat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
