I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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