my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
