i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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