Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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