The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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