I wish I could teleport
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
